“I literally have to remind myself all the time, that being afraid of things going wrong isn’t the way to make things go right“.
This is something I try to live by these days. Well, it hasn’t been easy. Certainly not easy for someone who has been dealing with anxiety. A major part of my life, I have been dealing with anxiety, without realizing it’s a problem. Only recently, when it started interfering with my daily life did I realize how big a problem it is and how very liberating a feeling it is to let go of this crippling issue.
As far as I can remember, I have always seemed to be more worried about things than my friends or counterparts. Right from childhood. I have even been made fun of. A worrywart they called me. I thought everyone worries so I did not think it is a problem. If there was an event, I would start worrying about it. Even for exams, which were routine, I used to be excessively worried about it. To the extent that I would not be able to even study or prepare for it. I used to fall sick. Many a times my parents even thought that I was putting up an act. I used to worry that I will not be able to wake up on time, reach the exam hall in time or I have prepared for the wrong subject or even that somewhere along the way between submission and correction, my exam paper would get misplaced! As I grew older, the habit remained. The more important the nature of an event, the more anxious I would get, the more pressure I would feel and more miserably I would fail at it. And the fear of failure would add more fuel to anxiety.
Fast forward to recent times. Being anxious had now become a way of life. An unanswered phone call, a delayed response from someone, anyone being a little late was enough to make me go crazy with worry. I would presume that the worst has happened and sit and mull over it, lose my appetite, lose sleep, and lose my peace of mind. Even the smallest of sudden sounds would make my heart race. It was then I realized that enough is enough. This cannot go on. It was crippling. For me and my loved ones. I approached a counselor. Gradually, she helped me change my thinking patterns. She taught me how to be me more conscious, more aware of how I should be handling situations as against what I have been doing all along. I wouldn’t say I have gained complete control over my anxiety. However, I have come a long way. And trust me, it is so liberating, such a good feeling that it motivates me to work more on myself. Not only me, but my loved ones are a lot more relaxed. Subconsciously, I had been passing on my anxiety to them as well. It was affecting them as well. I’m so glad to have identified it and be working on it.
What I would want to tell everyone out there is if you find yourself suffering due to anxiety, don’t be afraid or hesitate to ask for help. Well, it hasn’t been easy to put these thoughts out there for everyone to read and know. But it had to be done.